


Tears of an Angel

by Writer_Geekgirl



Series: Castiel and Dean: An Apocalyptic Love Story [13]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Amnesiac Castiel (Supernatural), Angst, Destiel Promptober, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-15
Updated: 2019-10-15
Packaged: 2020-12-16 16:17:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21039110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writer_Geekgirl/pseuds/Writer_Geekgirl
Summary: Castiel remembers everything...This work is part of a Destiel Promptober 2019 prompt series. The stories are inspired by two different word prompts each day but the short vignettes will all tie in together and weave a larger story. Each story will be standalone (for the most part).The prompts for the day are: Ash and Witches' Brew





	Tears of an Angel

The Winchesters were in awe of the bunker. Even after two weeks, their excitement for the place didn't wane. Sam buried himself in books of lore in the library, while Dean scoured the nooks and crannies to see what he could find. Rowena cataloged the spell ingredients. It felt like an early Christmas.

Castiel, on the other hand, kept quiet. He would take Dog for long walks. He'd then return and made himself scarce in one of the out-of-the-way rooms. He kept seeing bits and pieces of his old life, but not clearly enough to put the pieces together. He knew he had suffered a loss so great that he related to the blond boy. He remembered a time Dean had made him leave the bunker to fend for himself. Another time, a great number of people, friends, had died in the library. He also had flashes of him, Dean, and Sam sitting in recliners watching television in some sort of family room. Those were the moments he yearned for. He couldn't make sense of all the fragments and it was frustrating him. He just wanted to know… something; what he'd done wrong and how he failed. 

Dean left him alone at first. Their relationship was new, and Dean didn't want to pressure him to talk. Dean wasn't big on talking normally. However, at the end of the second week, he cornered Castiel was he was getting Dog's leash. "You and me, we're going to walk Dog together."

As they walked under the trees, Dean allowed Castiel silence for a few minutes before he said, "What's up, Sunshine? I'm guessing that this place isn't making you happy. We can leave if you want. There's a lot of roads out there left to explore."

"No, Sam is making headway researching how to kill demons. I don't want to drag him away from that," Castiel protested.

Dean stopped and grabbed his hand. "You aren't doing well here, Cas. We can take the books someplace else. The books can travel."

"This place is safe, Dean. No harm will come to you or Sam while you are here. I want you to be safe. That's more important to me than…" Castiel trailed off.

"Talk to me, Cas." They stared intently at each other for several long moments.

Castiel took a deep sigh and began, "I don't think I'm a good person, Dean. I think I failed you and others. I keep seeing these glimpses and the bad outweighs the good. People have died. People that I should have been protecting. I made promises that I didn't keep. I think it'd be better if I could remember it all. Maybe, I could make peace with my past. Learn from my mistakes so you don't up hurt or dead because of me."

Dean asked, "What you think you are some sort of bad guy?" The words triggered a memory for Castiel of driving at night in a big black car and Dean asking him what if was a bad guy. Castiel's brow furrowed and his eyes glazed over; he had had amnesia before. And the then Dean had been mad at him. 

Dean shook him gently, "Come back to me, Cas, from whatever memory you are having."

Castiel shook his head to clear his mind. "I'm fine, Dean."

"Look, we're going to go talk to Rowena about casting some sort of spell to get your memories back. This is eating you up alive and it's not going to stop until you know."

When they returned to the bunker, Dean found Rowena in one of the storerooms, rummaging through a box. Dean greeted her, "Hey, Rowena."

Rowena looked at him with a smile, "What are you going to ask for, my boy?"

"Memory spell for Cas?"

She frowned. "It's not good to force memories back on someone, Dean. He's forgotten for a reason."

"He needs this, Red. He's not ok."

Rowena grimaced and said, "Fine. But if this goes south, it's not my fault. I gave you boys fair warning. Just you be remembering that."

O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O

Sam helped Rowena create a potion for Castiel to drink in the kitchen. Sam was stirring a pot of purple, bubbling liquid that looked like a witches' brew. The room smelled like a combination of blackberries and juniper.

Castiel sat at the table motionless watching them.

Dean asked him quietly, "You sure you want to do this, Cas?"

Castiel replied grimly, "I need to know."

Rowena poured the concoction into a tin cup. She sniffed it before walking to Castiel and placing the cup in front of him. "I dunno how you will react to that because you're an angel and not a human. This is very dangerous and against my better judgment."

Castiel flashed her a wan smile before saying, "I know."

Dean gripped Castiel's hand tightly and closed his eyes. Castiel looked at him sadly and placed a hand on his cheek. He reassured him, "It will be ok, Dean," but the words rang hollow because they both knew they didn't know what would happen. 

Rowena said, "You need to drink it in one long draft, Feathers. There are not half measures here."

Castiel nodded. He continued to hold Dean's hand as he swallowed the brew. Nothing happened for a moment, and he looked questioningly at Rowena. Then it hit him at once, images crashed against him. A flight into Hell to save the righteous man. Entering a barn full of sparks. Rebelling from Heaven. Facing Lucifer. Exploding into bits. Returning to Hell to rescue Sam. Working with Crowley. Killing Raphael. Succumbing to Leviathans. Being in Purgatory. Being under Naomi's control. Causing the angels to fall. Defeating Metatron. Saying Yes to Lucifer. Promising Kelly to take care of her son. Dying and waking up in the empty. Raising Jack. Losing Mary. Losing Jack. And then it all ending with God snapping his fingers and the world around him turning into ash. Sam, Dean, all of it gone. Everything he loved, everything he cared about, gone. Like dust in a wind. 

Castiel let out a primal scream that caused the glass to start exploding around them. The high-pitched noise was deafening to Rowena, Sam, and Dean. Dean squeezed Castiel's hand and shouted, "Cas, stop. Stop." Rowena and Sam fell to their knees.

Castiel's eyes flew open for a moment and he said, "Dean," before his eyes closed again and he slumped in the chair.

Rowena stood up, brushed the glass off of her dress, and said, "Well that went better than I thought."

"Better?" Dean asked incredulously as he tried to ascertain Castiel's condition.

"I was fairly certain he was going to blow up the entire bunker. But, good news, we're still alive." Rowena started putting ingredients away.

"How long is he going to sleep?" Sam asked.

Rowena scoffed, "How am I supposed to know? It's not like I've ever cast a spell on an angel before."

Dean and Sam carried Castiel to the bedroom Castiel had claimed. It was the one Dean had found him in that first day in the bunker. Dean sat next to the bed in a chair, watching Castiel. Hours later, Castiel slowly opened his eyes. 

Dean smiled, "Hey, hey, you ok?"

Castiel said quietly with grief etched on his face, "We had a son. His name was Jack." Dean looked at him surprised. After that, the room fell silent, except for the sobs of a heartbroken angel.


End file.
